My biggest struggle

This was a day my son and I had talked about for weeks. He wanted me to bring him lunch from a restaurant and have lunch with him at his school. We finally settled on a day and we were both super excited. He got up that morning (I didn't even have to wake him up) and requested Sonic for our special lunch. I picked up lunch and walked into his school promptly at 11:30 pm. I felt really good about myself as a mom at that moment, but that did not last long. I walked into an empty classroom that was suppose to be filled with noisy 1st graders getting ready to have lunch. It was Empty... except for my sweet Cale crying his eyes out while his teacher is trying to console him. As my heart dropped, I rushed over to him just in time for him to look up at me with those tear-filled eyes and say, "momma, you missed it." I turned to his teacher and asked what time lunch was and she informed me it was 11:15-11:30. I had thought the whole time it was 11:30-11:45. I had crushed my little boys heart into a thousand pieces. I apologized and apologized, but still felt like the worst mom ever. I left the school as I cried and cried! I couldn't believe I screwed this up. And even after he had forgiven me and I took him his favorite lunch later that week...I still couldn't let it go. I couldn't forgive myself. I know you may be thinking "It was just a lunch...he will get over it...it's not that big of deal...you are being too hard on yourself." That is my problem. I am actually better at forgiving others and offering grace to others than I am myself.

For some reason...I hold myself to an unrealistic standard and when I fail...I tend to hit rock bottom. Even though I know in my mind that nobody is perfect, I live my life as though I am going to be the first. I want to be the perfect coaches wife my husband says, "Yep! she is mine." I want to be the mom my kids tell their friends about. I want to be the friend everyone turns to because they know I will always have something wise to say. I want to be the one that young people look up to in their faith and on and on and on. If this is you, you understand how stressful and overwhelming this can be, but once again God has used his Word to offer me HIS PEACE, HIS JOY, and HIS GRACE.
I read this verse today and I was broken, "I ask you again, does God give you the Holy Spirit and work miracles among you because you obey the law? Of Course not! It is because you believe the message you heard about Christ." -Galations 3:5

God doesn't work through me because I have obeyed every law...No! It is because I have a RELATIONSHIP with his son Jesus....GRACE
Cale doesn't love me because I do everything right as his mom...No! He love me because I have a relationship with him as my son....GRACE
People don't look up to me because I have done everything perfect on my life...No!!! They look up to me because of my relationship with Jesus....GRACE.

The craziest thing is... I speak on this topic all the time...and it is the area I struggle with the most. I have to remind myself daily and some times hourly....I don't have to be perfect because I am loved by perfection. Honestly, it is my prayer that I can go everyday and 1)not think to highly of myself (humility) because of what I have done and 2) not think to lowly of myself because of what I have done (grace).

Thanks for letting my confess to you today and maybe my struggles will help you get through yours!