An Open Letter from a Coach's wife

I have been a part of a coaches family my entire life, first as a coach’s daughter and for the past 17 years, a coach’s wife.  I feel like there are some things people outside this coaching world  need to know about what its like living the lifestyle inside the coaching world. It may be shocking, offensive, or entertaining but it will all be truth.

1) Sports is our Livelihood, but it is NOT our Life.
Yes, sports is how we make a living, but we do not eat, sleep, breathe, or want to talk about it 24-7. It is always funny to me that people find the oddest times to talk about last nights, last  weeks, or  last years game: Bathroom, church pew, vacation. Nobody, even a coach, wants to talk about the 4th quarter play call while they are in the urinal. Sports is not our life, and it shouldn’t be yours either!!!

2) For a coach’s family there is often time sacrifices for team success.
My husband loves this game and works so freaking hard at being the best he can be so that the team can be the best they can be. The watching film on weekends and the 4 nights a week at the field can lead to days the kids and I don’t see our husband/dad. Yet, people can see him for 2 hours on a Friday night and complain publicly, but have no idea what coaches sacrifice privately. Believe it or not…they want to win more than you do!

3) My husband’s job depends solely on what 14-18 year old kids decide to do.
My husband and his staff have to prepare 40 teenagers to play together as one unit despite what might be going on at home, in the classroom, or with the girlfriend. I have people tell me all the time how frustrated they are with their moody teenagers because they can’t get their one kid to clean their rooms, be respectful, or come home at curfew. Yet we expect coaches, somehow, to get perfection out of these teenagers on the field that some parents can’t get at home. It really should be considered more of miracle working than coaching.

4) Coach’s job: focus on the team not an individual
As a parent myself, I completely understand the love for your children. And our job, as parents is to watch, cheer, and encourage your kid. But the quickest way to bring down a team is focus on one individual, even if it’s your wonderful, needs the ball every time, be the first 300 lb quarterback, child. You may not like every call the coaches make, but just know this: it’s with the team, the whole team, in mind.

5) Coaching families don’t have a lot of close friends.
Coaches have so many walls put up when it comes to relationships because people can’t separate personal life from the professional one. We have to be guarded now because we have been burned before. People want to be friends until their child sits the bench. People want to be friends until their child gets disciplined. People want to be friends until we aren’t winning anymore. Professional coaching can lead to personal loneliness.

6) Coaches are harder on themselves than you could ever be
I have been around coaches my entire life, professionally and personally. And I have never met one that wasn’t harder on themselves during a loss than anyone else. They stew over missed calls. They lose sleep over personnel changes. They watch play after play on film thinking what they could have done differently.  There is no email, phone call, or personal attack that makes a coach think “oh, I hadn’t thought about that, thanks for bringing that to my attention”, but I do know what it does make them think but I can’t write that because we love Jesus.

7) My husband cant hear anything you say from the stands, but his family can.
There is a reason that me and my kids have had to move our seats to the very top row, so we can’t hear what people say behind us. I understand sports is an emotional game but lets spread the emotion. If you are going to yell from the stands at my husband for a bad play call, I better hear you yell at your kid for missing the tackle. We are an equal opportunity team sport.

8) Coach’s wives are the best secret keepers ever
Whatever conversation you have with me in hopes that I will share with my husband will NEVER get to him! The coach’s wife is often treated like a side door into the coaches office. No, I don’t know what my husband is going to do about play time. No, I don’t know how my husband is going to handle your child missing practice. No, I don’t know why the freshman are playing more than the upperclassmen. No, I don’t know why parents aren’t aloud in the locker room on game day. And guess what? I am not going to ask him either…He’s not even going to know we had this conversation.

9) Coaching is a Calling
My husband makes $0.43 an hour for his coaching duties so we know he loves what He does because it’s not for the money. As followers of Christ, our jobs are not given to us by man but by God. As coaches we may think athletic directors, parents, or administration hold our jobs in the palms of their hands, but the truth is God in control of our path because we have submitted our calling. There are tough losses, tough seasons, and tough jobs. We may get fired from one but believe God will lead us to a different one. We know when things go good it's because of God and when things go bad, we will be ok because we have God.

10) Team is Family and Family is Team
WE believe this with everything in us. This is why we call our family Team Roberts and why we believe the team is an extension of our family. We love these kids and know that are own children really have 40 big brothers. We view coaching as a calling and the team as a family. There are no two things that will put us on our knees in prayer more than football season and family. It is every coaches heaven  that players, coaches, parents, and administration would work together to show love and respect to each other out of love and respect for God.

Emotional Attached to God: Study of Psalms

Ok, so I am just gonna lay it out there...I am an emotional being. Sometimes I try to play it off as passionate, but lets be real ladies: I am emotional!
I am emotional about my husband. I am emotional about my kids. I am emotional about my job. I emotional about my husband's job.  I am emotional about my sisters, parents, neices, nephews, friends, and while we are just putting it all out there, I am emotional about every military "come home video",  walk-on football players getting scholarships, and every celebrity video rendition of "how great thou art". I don't half hearted do anything....I am emotional about everything.
And for the longest time, I thought this was such a negative quality of mine. I would try so hard not to do the "emotional girl" thing. Be the tough athlete, competitor type. And it doesn't help when you have the stereotypical emotional comments that we girls get:
"She must have her monthly visitor today"
"Stop making emotional deisions like a girl"
"There's no crying in baseball"

I set out to figure this whole emotional thing out...and ladies, I am super excited about what I am learning. In search of finding out who we are, we must search for the one who created us: God.
Ladies, we are emotional beings! We were created this way by our creator. But guess what? So is God.  God's word teaches us that we were created in His image. We are the emotional being of God.

Hurray!! We are not going crazy! We are not losing it every time our child starts a new school year or when they come home for the summer:)

BUT,  we have to understand that having emotions is not wrong, but when our emotions have us it is

Because we are women and we are emotional, we can become emotional attached to anything that moves and even then somethings that don't.
-It's the reason that our feelings get hurt when we don't get invited with a group of friends...we are emotional attached to friends.
-It's the reason we get so frustrated at our husbands when they don't meet our mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional needs every day....we are emotional attached to our husbands.
-It's the reason we make sure we are at our children's every need protecting them from anything that might hurt them physical, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally...we are emotionally attached to our kids.
-It's the reason why we can cry over fictional characters when the stupid writers with stupid ideas kills one of them off (not bitter at all)...we are emotional attached to tv.

God created us emotional people so that we can be emotionally attached to an emotional God.

Now, I am not saying we cant be emotional attached to people. I am saying that because we are so emotionally attached to people, this can often lead to unmet, unrealisic expectations from people that we should be expecting from God.

Our husbands were never meant to meet our spiritual needs....Jesus is.
Our children were never meant to meet our emotional needs...Jesus is.
Our friends were never meant to meet our mental needs....Jesus is.


Our relationships shouldn't quench our thirsty needs, but should be a living water overflow of our relationship with God.

Emotions are not our weakness, but our vehicle strength to God.

So how do we do this? How do we become emotionally attached to God? What does that look like?
And because I love studying people of the bible, I asked "Who is the most emotional character of the bible?" And without another thought....I knew it was DAvid. The entire book of Psalms is dedicated to every emotion David poured out to God: joy, sadnesss, feelings of betrayal, brokeness, shame, feelings of being overwhelmed etc.
In this study, I have learned that David wrote 73 of the 150 Psalms and 13 of them are directily related to a certain issue he was facing. Will you join me over the next few weeks as week look at all the different emotions David had and what it looks like to be emotionally attached to God?

We will be learning from David's stories so that we can get through ours!!

God sees you...do you hear him?

It's really ironic to read my last post in light of our present circumstances. I am truly a living example that when God teaches you a lesson in his Word, we are tested on it in the World.

We have been chosen

In the past 8 weeks we have went from being a family of 5 to a family of 7. We have a 5 year old little boy we are trying to adopt from Foster care and an 18 year old Senior football player from my husband's team who has lost both of his parents who are now a part of Team Roberts. We call them the Robert's twins since they came to us at about the same time. Is it crazy?...yep! Is it loud?...of course! Do I sometimes sit on my bathroom floor with a locked door?...Maybe.  Is it overwhelming?...sometimes.

An Overwhelming life calls for an overwhelming God

I have been studying the book of Nehemiah and the lessons keep coming...

"'Things are not going well for those who returned to the providence of Judah. They are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem has been torn down, and the gates have been destroyed by fire."' When I heard this, I sat down and wept. In fact for days I mourned, fasted, and prayed to the God of heaven.
       'Oh Lord, God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps his covenant
        of unfailing love with those who love him and obey his commands, listen to my
        prayer! Look down and see me praying at night and day for your people Israel.
        I confess that we have sinned against you. Yes, even my own family and I have
        sinned! We have sinned terribly by not obeying your commands, decrees, and
        regulations that you gave us through your servant Moses......vs. 10 the people
        you rescued by your great power  and strong hand are your servants. O Lord, please
        hear my prayer! Listen to the prayers of those of us who delight in honoring you.
        Please grant me success today.....'
In those days I was the king's cup-bearer." Nehemiah 1

Nehemiah was overwhelmed with the destruction that had happened to the city of God's people...He was blessed with a burden. Allowing your heart to break for the things that break the heart of God is never pleasant, but it is powerful. Chris and I were witnessing the destruction of something else that belonged to God...the families of these two boys. We prayed. We cried. We broke. But the overwhelming feeling of doing something wasn't nearly as bad as the overwhelming feeling of NOT.
But What?
'God,
We are only a football coach and FCA Staff...."Yes, and Nehemiah was just a cup holder."
How can we fulfill what they have lost?..."You can't. I can"
Do we have the space, the resources, the energy, the time..."You have what they need: A family"
Are you choosing us for the rebuilding of these kids' walls?..."If you are willing, I will be working"'

In just 52 days, a cup holder named Nehemiah and a group of helpers, successfully completed the task God had placed on his heart to do. It wasn't easy. People tried to stop them, discourage them, and mock them, but they weren't deterred, they were determined. Each person simply just built the part of the wall that was in front of their house. And so can we...

We don't have to go to Africa to change the world, just build up what's right outside (or inside) yours. Being a world changer is not easy, but it is worth it. You can change the world by changing your corner of it.
Maybe you show love to someone that just seems unloveable...you've changed the world.
Maybe you serve someone who is not like you....you've changed the world.
Maybe you tell someone that Jesus loves them....you've changed the world.
Maybe you open your home to a foster child...you've changed the world
Maybe you start a ministry that helps abused children...you've changed the world

 Just know when God calls you 3 things will happen
1) It will require Obedience from YOU(Nehemiah 1)
2) Expect Opposition from the WORLD (Nehemiah 4 and 6)
3) Know the Outcome will always be because of GOD ("When our enemies and the surrounding nations heard about it, they were frightened and humiliated. They realized this work had been done with the help of our God." Nehemiah 6:16)
The world saw Nehemiah as a simple cup holder. He saw himself as wall builder. God saw him as a world changer.

God sees you...do you hear him?

Purpose beyond the Pain

I grew up playing sports. That's just what you do when your father is  a coach. Then I married a coach so I have lived in a coaches house my entire life...I think I know them pretty well. One thing you always hear is it's a good thing when your coach is on you...yelling at you....pushing you to go harder, be better. It's when the coach is silent, not saying anything, that you should be worried.
 He's not saying anything to you because he's not seeing anything from you.


I was reading the story about Paul becoming a follower of Jesus in Act 9. Paul had just been blinded and now God was asking a man named, Ananias to go to Paul and help him.  These were God's words to Ananias about Paul:


"Go, for Saul is my chosen instrument to take my message to the Gentiles and the Kings as well as to the people of Israel. And I will show him how much he must suffer for my name's sake."


I just sat there and couldn't quite move passed this verse.
If Paul was Chosen by God why did he have to suffer because of God?


As I started writing in my journal, other names and stories came to my mind that had this same story line:
Chosen by God, but suffered because of God.


Moses was chosen by God...but suffered rejection from Pharoah
Joseph was chosen by God...but suffered slavery and prison
Mary was chosen by God...but suffered humiliation for being an unwed mother
Jesus was chosen by God...but suffered death on the cross


Maybe you are reading this and you are suffering.
-Suffering a broken heart
-Suffering a broken relationship (marriage, parents, friends)
-Suffering watching your kids suffer


Asking God what you have done wrong that he would allow such heartbreak, discouragement, despair, suffering. You are praying...and you suffer. You are reading His Word...and you suffer. You go to church....and you suffer. Why? Why? Why?


(God Whispers)...BECAUSE YOU ARE CHOSEN.


Just like a coach, God sees something in you that you can't even see in yourself. He's going to allow things to shape you, build your faith, make you stronger, and  build your character not for your glory but for HIS!
 I have learned from all these stories in the bible of being chosen and suffering is
God uses suffering to build his soldiers.
Strong, leading,humble, change the world soldiers.


You see, DOING LIFE WITH GOD DOESN'T MEAN YOU WON'T HAVE PAIN...IT MEANS THERE IS PURPOSE BEYOND THE PAIN!!


Moses suffered....but God helped him lead the people out of slavery
Joseph suffered...but God used prison to lead him to the palace as the head of Egypt
Mary suffered...but God used her pure heart to give birth to the man that would have mine
Jesus suffered...but God used his body as my sacrifice


Jesus said, "In this life you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world."
Whatever you are going through, may this be an encouragement to you that God sees you, God sees your suffering, and there is purpose beyond the pain!

Don't be a but...

It's camp season in my world which means chigger bites in places that just make you look creepy when you have to scratch them. It means beds that were made in a concrete factory. It means showering with your new best friend, Mr. Cockroach. It also means kids making life-changing commitments to Christ by coming to know Jesus for the first time. I love it!! There are so many stories I could share with about what God has done, but I want to share with you a lesson God taught me. Working in a ministry like FCA, you work with staff and volunteers from different churches, different denominations, and different theology views. And camp seemed to be the place to talk, discuss, and debate those differences...or so I thought. We debated reformed vs. free-will, the women's roles in ministry, the tithe, homosexuality in the church etc. and you know what I noticed not one person came to know Jesus because of these discussions. I watched, listened, and played a part in discussing what we thought was "right" instead of God's righteousness. We discussed what we thought instead of who God is. We debated God's word instead of living God's Word.
At the same time I was being convicted of these truths, I read Acts 6 in my quiet time with Jesus...

"But as the believers rapidly multiplied, there were rumblings of discontentment. The Greek speaking believers, saying that their widows were being discriminated against in the daily distribution of food. So the Twelve called a  meeting of all the believers. They said, "We apostles should spend our time teaching the word of God, not running a  food program." Acts 6:1-2

There are so many statements, relationships, God's movement that can be ruined by "buts."
"I really like you but I don't think we should go out anymore"
"I like our church but I think the music should be different"
"I know God is moving but if He could just do it faster"
"Believers were rapidly multiplying but people were griping"

Our "But's" can keep us from God's Plan.

Our enemy will do anything to keep us focused on everything except Jesus. He will distract, distort, and discourage you in order to keep your focus on yourself not God..."you have to prove your point", "you have to prove you are right." Like the early church of Acts, we are called to teach about Jesus, live for Jesus, Show Jesus....not run a debate program. 

"But's" is one of the biggest problems in Christianity today. We can get so focused on "causes" that we forget Christ. We can get so focused on social issues that we forget the Spirit." We think if someone disagrees with you, they hate you. If someone loves you, they have to agree with you. These disagreements just distract, distort, and discourage what God wants us to being doing: Spread the Good News of Jesus Christ with Grace and Truth.

I challenge you as a follower of Jesus....Don't be a But!!

An old story...new message

When I was little, there was a song we always sang in Sunday School about a "wee little man." It was one of my favorites... probably because you cant say "wee little man" without saying it in a British accent or is that just me? :)  If you are familiar with the song, you know I am talking about the "wee little man" (insert British Accent), Zaccheaus. If you aren't familiar with it, here you go....

Zaccheaus was a wee little man and wee little man was he
He climbed up in a Sycamore tree for the Lord he wanted to see
And as that Savior passed that way He looked up in the tree
And he said, "Zaccheaus, you come down."
For I am coming to your house today, For I'm coming to your house today

I love the old stories from my childhood....Oh, But how I love when he uses them to teach me life lessons as an adult.

The story of Jesus and Zacchaues takes place in Luke 19: 1-10

"Jesus entered Jericho and made his way through the town. There was a man named Zacchaeus. He was the chief tax collector in the region. and he had become very rich. He tried to get a look at Jesus, but he was too short to see over the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree beside the road, for Jesus was going to pass that way. When Jesus came by, he looked up at Zacchaeus and called him by name. "Zacchaeus!" he said. "Quick, come down ! I must be a guest in your home today." Zacchaeus quickly climbed down and took Jesus to his house in great excitement and joy. But the people were displeased. "He has gone to be the guest of a notorious sinner," they grumbled.
Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, "I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!"
Jesus responded, "Salvation has come to this home today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham. For the son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost."

Lesson #1
SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO PUT OURSELVES IN A BETTER POSITION TO SEE JESUS IN ORDER TO EXPERIENCE HIM.
One of the things I have learned in sports is you put yourself in a position to make the play. Sometimes we have to change the way we are lined up or change our approach to get the result we want...or need. Zaccheaus wanted to see Jesus, but couldn't because he was too short. He could have given up, he could have given in but he wanted to see this man he had been hearing so much about so he changed his position. He climbed up a tree just to get a glimpse of him with his eyes and ended up experiencing him with his heart. I talk to people all the time who want to feel Jesus, experience Jesus, or see Jesus working in their lives, but are so frustrated because they don't. But, they haven't changed anything about their lives in order to experience him. We all do it! We do the same things over and over expecting different results. We say with our words and/or our actions "I need to see God to believe God." But God wants us to "Believe God and then we will see Him."  Believe God when He says "draw close to me and I will draw close to you." So change your position and make some one-on-one time with God. Believe God when he says the greatest commandment is to "Love the Lord your God...Love your neighbor as yourself." So change your position on how everybody is here for your benefit. Get out of the "selfies" mode and into the serving mode and see God work in your relationships. Believe God when he says "He will work all things to the good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose." So change your position on viewing your glass as half empty and focus on the one who fills it. See how Jesus changes your perspective because you changed your position.

Lesson #2
JESUS CALLS US BY OUR NAME WHEN THE WORLD CALLS US BY OUR REPUTATION
There are people we know as coach, teacher, doctor, mom. Then there are some people we know as "the one who cheated on his wife", "the one who has an alcohol problem", "the one who's son is gay." Good or bad. Right or wrong....we call people by what they do, but God calls us by name because that is who we are. The people called Zacchaeus "a notorious sinner" but Jesus called him Zacchaeus. Zacchaeus had made mistakes, he had sinned, but Jesus didn't see him for what he was, but for who he could become. We have all sinned. We have all got caught up in trying to find ourselves in what we do for a living or want to lose ourselves for what we have done in the past. Neither is who we are. Jesus is calling you by name and asking you to be a guest in your home and your heart today. "(Insert name), come down from that tree of shame because I am coming to your house today." "(Insert name), come down from that tree of fear, because I am coming to your house today." "(Insert name), come down from that tree of loneliness, because I am coming to your house today." You are NOT what you do or what you have done...but as a follower of Jesus you are the child of the one true King. Your name is among the name above all name!

Lesson #3
JESUS VALUES THE RELATIONSHIP OF HIS PEOPLE OVER THE RULES OF THE WORLD
We live in a world that you should be respectful but only if you believe the same things, act the same way, and look the same. The rules of that day was that if you were "religious" you didn't associate with those that were not. You didn't hang out with them. You didn't go to their houses. And you sure as heck didn't love them. Sound familiar? It should, we still hold these same "rules" in our churches, in our schools and in our homes. The story of Jesus and Zacchaeus shows us that when value the relationship...love changes people, judgement does not. God is love so when we love the way God intended us to, He changes people through the love His people show. As followers of Jesus, we are to love people differently than the world does. It is my hope and prayer that people will know us as followers of Jesus by our love and people will be changed because of God's love.

Who knew you could learn so much from a "wee little man"....

Quieting your critics

It's March...which means March Madness in the NCAA basketball world...and in our house. March tends to be a little crazy around our house. We have birthdays, softball games, baseball practices, spring break, Roberts family cupcake war, chapels, banquets....and on and on. And during the crazy times is when it seems the critics come out in full force. If you have been alive for more than 5 minutes you have had critics. Those people who will criticize you for doing too much, those that criticize for not doing enough. Those that criticize your work, your house, your family, your writings....and you. I may be wrong, but if you are in the sports or ministry world you will get criticized more than most! There are sports talk radio and T.V. shows where the whole premise is to criticize the players, coaches, owners etc. People are standing in line to post articles and facebook posts on why certain pastors aren't "real pastors" or believers.  It is has been interesting reading the articles that are criticizing the "Son of God" movie...and they weren't written by non-believers. So how do we handle it because it is impossible to avoid it....Let's look at Jesus.

The first thing we need to learn is that it will happen...YOU WILL BE CRITICIZED. It's not a question of "if" but of "when". How do I  know this? Because the only perfect man to ever walk this earth had critics therefore we will too.
We read throughout the gospels that Jesus was criticized...a lot! It must have been difficult for him because the ones criticizing him were the ones that were suppose to be representing God and were the Pharisees and Religious leaders. He was criticized for not fasting and praying enough (Luke 5:33-39), for breaking heads of grain and eating it on the Sabbath (Luke 6:1-5), for healing on the Sabbath 6:-6-10), for not washing his hands before he ate (Luke 11:37-53) and on and on and on. So...if you are thinking "I am just doing what God has called me to do and I am getting criticized for it".....Yep! You are in good company because so did Jesus!

The second thing we need to understand is how to handle it because I don't know about you, but I want to defend myself, my actions, my calling....me. Do you see the problem? The focus is on me not God. When we read each story about Jesus and his critics...he never defends himself, not even before Pontius Pilate when he was about to be crucified. Yes, Jesus got defensive.Yes, Jesus got angry. But every time it was to defend God his father. There is a difference between Righteous anger and being "Right" anger...one defends God, the other defends yourself. Jesus knew who He was and who had sent him. He was prayed up and ready to press on. He knew these people's intentions would never overtake God's directions. At one point, his critics "mobbed him and forced him to the edge of the hill on which the town was built. They intended to push him over the cliff, but he passed right through the crowd and went on his way." (Luke 4:29-30) We have to understand that the crowd's intentions may want to push you off the cliff but God's direction is to push you through the crowd. Don't be afraid to speak up and speak out on God's behalf...not to show you are right, but to show He is.  I heard a quote from Pastor Mark Batterson that said, "It's easier to act like a Christian than to react like one." We want to quiet our critics with our own voice when God is asking us to quiet them with his: His words, His actions, His forgiveness, His voice, His Spirit. So if you have critics that don't want you to pray with your team...take a stand by taking a knee. If you have critics because you're losing...keep your focus on the One that never does. If you have critics because you are succeeding....Keep your focus on the One that always does.

The third thing we need to understand is there is such a thing as constructive criticism, or I call wisdom, that we can not overlook. This is when God does use His people to speak Truth into an other's life. How do we tell the difference? 1) How they say it. If they come to you in a calm and loving way and even ask to pray before the conversation. Listen to their heart because God maybe trying to speak to yours.
2) What they say. Listen to hear if their words help you or harm you. There are some Words from God that may hurt (you might be struggling with sin or going down the wrong path), but will never harm you. We know it comes from God when True words are spoken with Grace. 3) When they say it. If you have a parent who wants to tell you how horrible of a coach you are after a game it's probably not from God. God's words are perfect and so is his timing.

Here's to quieting your critics and listening to your wisdom walkers....