An Open Letter from a Coach's wife

I have been a part of a coaches family my entire life, first as a coach’s daughter and for the past 17 years, a coach’s wife.  I feel like there are some things people outside this coaching world  need to know about what its like living the lifestyle inside the coaching world. It may be shocking, offensive, or entertaining but it will all be truth.

1) Sports is our Livelihood, but it is NOT our Life.
Yes, sports is how we make a living, but we do not eat, sleep, breathe, or want to talk about it 24-7. It is always funny to me that people find the oddest times to talk about last nights, last  weeks, or  last years game: Bathroom, church pew, vacation. Nobody, even a coach, wants to talk about the 4th quarter play call while they are in the urinal. Sports is not our life, and it shouldn’t be yours either!!!

2) For a coach’s family there is often time sacrifices for team success.
My husband loves this game and works so freaking hard at being the best he can be so that the team can be the best they can be. The watching film on weekends and the 4 nights a week at the field can lead to days the kids and I don’t see our husband/dad. Yet, people can see him for 2 hours on a Friday night and complain publicly, but have no idea what coaches sacrifice privately. Believe it or not…they want to win more than you do!

3) My husband’s job depends solely on what 14-18 year old kids decide to do.
My husband and his staff have to prepare 40 teenagers to play together as one unit despite what might be going on at home, in the classroom, or with the girlfriend. I have people tell me all the time how frustrated they are with their moody teenagers because they can’t get their one kid to clean their rooms, be respectful, or come home at curfew. Yet we expect coaches, somehow, to get perfection out of these teenagers on the field that some parents can’t get at home. It really should be considered more of miracle working than coaching.

4) Coach’s job: focus on the team not an individual
As a parent myself, I completely understand the love for your children. And our job, as parents is to watch, cheer, and encourage your kid. But the quickest way to bring down a team is focus on one individual, even if it’s your wonderful, needs the ball every time, be the first 300 lb quarterback, child. You may not like every call the coaches make, but just know this: it’s with the team, the whole team, in mind.

5) Coaching families don’t have a lot of close friends.
Coaches have so many walls put up when it comes to relationships because people can’t separate personal life from the professional one. We have to be guarded now because we have been burned before. People want to be friends until their child sits the bench. People want to be friends until their child gets disciplined. People want to be friends until we aren’t winning anymore. Professional coaching can lead to personal loneliness.

6) Coaches are harder on themselves than you could ever be
I have been around coaches my entire life, professionally and personally. And I have never met one that wasn’t harder on themselves during a loss than anyone else. They stew over missed calls. They lose sleep over personnel changes. They watch play after play on film thinking what they could have done differently.  There is no email, phone call, or personal attack that makes a coach think “oh, I hadn’t thought about that, thanks for bringing that to my attention”, but I do know what it does make them think but I can’t write that because we love Jesus.

7) My husband cant hear anything you say from the stands, but his family can.
There is a reason that me and my kids have had to move our seats to the very top row, so we can’t hear what people say behind us. I understand sports is an emotional game but lets spread the emotion. If you are going to yell from the stands at my husband for a bad play call, I better hear you yell at your kid for missing the tackle. We are an equal opportunity team sport.

8) Coach’s wives are the best secret keepers ever
Whatever conversation you have with me in hopes that I will share with my husband will NEVER get to him! The coach’s wife is often treated like a side door into the coaches office. No, I don’t know what my husband is going to do about play time. No, I don’t know how my husband is going to handle your child missing practice. No, I don’t know why the freshman are playing more than the upperclassmen. No, I don’t know why parents aren’t aloud in the locker room on game day. And guess what? I am not going to ask him either…He’s not even going to know we had this conversation.

9) Coaching is a Calling
My husband makes $0.43 an hour for his coaching duties so we know he loves what He does because it’s not for the money. As followers of Christ, our jobs are not given to us by man but by God. As coaches we may think athletic directors, parents, or administration hold our jobs in the palms of their hands, but the truth is God in control of our path because we have submitted our calling. There are tough losses, tough seasons, and tough jobs. We may get fired from one but believe God will lead us to a different one. We know when things go good it's because of God and when things go bad, we will be ok because we have God.

10) Team is Family and Family is Team
WE believe this with everything in us. This is why we call our family Team Roberts and why we believe the team is an extension of our family. We love these kids and know that are own children really have 40 big brothers. We view coaching as a calling and the team as a family. There are no two things that will put us on our knees in prayer more than football season and family. It is every coaches heaven  that players, coaches, parents, and administration would work together to show love and respect to each other out of love and respect for God.